


stay

by Oparu



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Post I Love You, how phil finally says it back, in the aftermath of episode 5x17 and 5x18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 21:29:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14410938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oparu/pseuds/Oparu
Summary: After she says I love you, and he makes a mess of things, Melinda's hurt defending the Lighthouse, and while she's unconscious, Phil finds his voice. Hurt/comfort.





	stay

**Author's Note:**

> My version of Phil's I love you. Many thanks to Plechka for letting me ramble story ideas her way.

He only catches it out of the corner of his eye, the rush of motion as Melinda fights with one of their unknown attackers. Phil looks away for a second, gunning one down in the corridor on the left. She's fine, holding her own, and then her attacker slams her back into the wall, hard enough that she drops, boneless. Maybe she's just winded, momentarily knocked out, but the bottom drops out of his stomach like he's falling through space again.

Some traitorous part of his brain wonders if this is the fear rift opening up again because terror grabs his dying heart and squeezes, white hot. May doesn't move. He fires five shots, three of them unnecessary because her assailant is already down, but he panics. 

"May?"

Nothing, her eyes stay closed. He kneels down, thudding on the floor. Touching her cheek, he tries to rouse her, but she's out. Her heart beats strong and steady and that's enough to feel like his own is beating again. More will be on their way, he can't leave her here. Getting his feet beneath him, he steadies himself, cradling her shoulders with one arm and lifting her legs with the other. She falls back against his chest, heavy and still (don't think about that, Phil, she's fine) and he spends breath making sure he's got her. 

Sometimes he's a little shaky.

Adrenaline makes his arms sure and he carries her out of the hallway, into the elevator. He has to get her off of this floor, out of danger. The elevator door slams shut and he jams a button or two, taking them deeper, away from the threat. Daisy will fight them off, the team will save them. He just has to keep her safe until Daisy gets to them. That's it. Small task. He can do that, right?

The elevator crunches to a halt, creaking like a dying creature. Emergency brakes kick in hard. The (already weak) lighting fails and he's alone with her in the dark, cradling her like her heartbeat can save them both. Hers is fearless, and his is as tentative as his words. The emergency lighting flicks on, red and dim over his head. 

"May?"

Nothing, no groan of her coming around. She's out. His stomach knots again, ice cold. 

The broken elevator holds them silent and still, like a tomb. Except, he's not thinking of it as a tomb,  he can't. Stay with it, look after her. May comes first. He thought he had a little more time before he’d be sealed into one.  _ She’s here with you, you idiot. May lives.  _

That must be true. 

Melinda May lives. 

He crouches down, gently lowering her to the floor, careful with her head. She sighs a little and relief flickers hot in his chest. His eyes sting. 

"Come on, May." He runs his hands up her neck, no swelling, no dislocation that he can feel. Then starts checking her head, feeling for blood in her hair. His fingers come away sticky back behind her right ear. He searches around, trying to find a skull fracture but her head seems intact. 

"Luckily, you have a hard head." He takes off his jacket, putting that beneath her head before tapping her cheek. "I need you to help me find a way out of this elevator." 

More than that. 

He tears a strip from his t-shirt, pressing the ragged fabric behind her ear, trying to stop the bleeding. Pressing his fingers into her scalp, he cradles her head, staring at her face. Melinda's eyelids move, just a little, and again, hope melts the terror in his stomach. 

"I need you," he whispers to her closed eyes. Stroking her cheek with his thumb, he studies her jawline, the curve of her lips. They're dark pink, red in the emergency light. She'll feel different from the LMD, she'll be familiar if he ever stops being an idiot and kisses her. "I don't know why I can't say that when you can hear me, Melinda. I'm sorry." 

Her face is so smooth and still that she could be reflected in the lake by the cabin he still owns though he hasn't been there in years. It was his parents and without his mother, he had no reason to go. He thought about asking Audrey, got close, but they never--

"Since Siberia, when you left me behind, since your wedding, when I was the worst kind of friend, since I picked you up for work all those years on the way to the Office. I used to watch you kiss Andrew goodbye for the day and wonder what it was like to be him." 

Water falls onto her face, but she doesn't break like a reflection, she remains, steady and warm and real in a way nothing else in his life is. 

It can't be raining. 

He touches the droplet, sliding it off her cheek and another falls, hot and mournful. "I told myself it was all right. I had you in my life. I always had you, even after Bahrain, after Ward and Rosalind and Andrew, I had you. You're constant. I told myself that was better than love, because I couldn't make a mess of being your friend. I'd managed to do that okay."

Now he's fucked it up. 

"I couldn't love you. You were off limits. You were married, you were too beautiful, too funny, too--" He can't stop crying, tears falling onto her face and still she doesn't stir. "No one I've loved has been able to stay in my life, but I've had you. You've been right here."

He can't let her go. Won't live without her, won't accept a universe without Melinda. He won't ever have to, he's the one dying. 

She wants him to live. 

She loves him. 

His heart has beat differently since that moment, as if he'd dipped below the horizon and returned. She's dragged him back, like Orpheus. 

He owes it to her to remain. To be real, solid and sure. 

"Too terrifying." 

Her eyelids flutter, and he should wait. Say it when she can hear him, when she's here, but he's afraid. 

"I think you know. I thought you knew. I've tried so long to keep you from knowing. Keep it hidden away, just be your friend, because even in that, I barely deserve you.”

That’s still wrong. All about him when he should make this about her. 

“You’re incredible. You’re brave, strong, tough, caring. You’re kind. You feel so much even though you’ve lost.” He lowers his forehead to touch hers. “I’m in awe of you, every moment.” 

He should say it, get it out of his chest before his feeble heart can’t hold it. It’s not fair when she’s unconscious. She deserves better than him. He’s dying, broken, and tired. 

Yet she loves him. 

“Now you talk.” 

He sits up, touching her cheek. “Sorry.”

Turning her head, she groans in pain and he shakes his head. “Gently. You hit your head pretty hard. Should have been me. I’m the one who needs some sense knocked into me.” 

“Yes.”

“Open your eyes, please.”

She blinks, wincing and gasping. Her eyes struggle to focus. “Damn.”

“Gently.”

“You wanted me to open my eyes.” Her pupils react slowly, and her forehead wrinkles in pain. 

“I’m sorry.” Another tear splashes on her cheek. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s just a concussion.”

“That’s not what I’m sorry about.”

“It still hurts like hell.” She smiles for an instant, teasing him. “You’re not sorry for that?”

“Melinda, I—“

Her eyes focus on him, burning through him. 

“I’m sorry your head hurts.”

“Thank you.” Her eyelids flutter, drifting closed. 

“Stay with me.”

“I’m tired.”

Of course she is. She’s carried so much for so long, alone, and he’s leaving her. 

Alone. 

She hasn’t mentioned him crying. Can she feel it? 

“Please stay with me.” 

She opens her eyes again, gritting her teeth. “Where?” She wants to work out the problem, get them out of here. Fight. 

“The elevator.”

May’s eyes flick to the ceiling, her fingers digging into his arm. “Stopped.”

“Power’s out.”

“We’ll have to climb-“

“I love you.”

“-Up the shaft,’ she finishes. Melinda blinks, then touches his face. “Now you can say it?”

“I love you.” 

Starting to sit up makes her wince, moaning as she drags herself up. He grabs her shoulders, trying to hold her steady. 

“I should have said it before.” 

“Yes.”

“I’m—“

“Don’t apologize, it makes my head hurt.” She drops her head against his chest, hissing in pain. 

“I’m not good enough.”

“That’s not how love works.”

“How does it work?”

She rests her forehead against his neck, sighing. “I don’t know.”

“How do we...?” He’s still dying. The world’s ending and they have a terrible future to avoid.

“We fight, Phil.” She lifts her head high enough to brush her forehead against his cheek, and he catches her, steadying her. “Stay with me.” 

Stay.

He slides back to the wall, easing her against his chest, holding her close. “I’ll try.”

“You live.” Melinda sits up faster, finding his mouth, faster than he thought she could move. He almost has time to protest that he can’t promise he’ll live. He doesn’t know how to fight. He’s dying.

Her lips close over his, warm and soft. Full of life and hope. She has so much to give. 

He doesn’t deserve her. He doesn’t deserve her love, her care, her desire to keep him alive.

He doesn’t—

Melinda kisses him anyway, she holds onto him. She fights. All he has to do is let her. Let her keep him safe, put herself between him and death. He doesn’t deserve it. 

She doesn’t care. She loves him. She’s Melinda May. If she wants him to live, gods and demons will just have to face her. 

And they should be afraid. 

“You’ll live,” she repeats. “If you won’t fight for you, then you do it for me, for Daisy, for everyone who loves you.” 

Starting with her. Maybe everything starts with her now. She loves him, she wants him. The universe reforms within him, with her at the center. He used to fight, keep her just a little away. Respect that they weren’t like that. 

“I didn’t think anyone did.”

“You’re an idiot.”

Kissing her again, he surrenders, not just his mouth, his body, but his heartbeats. He relinquishes his breath, putting himself in her hands. He’s too tired to fight, but she’ll fight for him. She’ll put herself between him and death. 

Like she always has. He just has to let her. 

_ Surrender _ . 

Melinda curls into his chest. The way she sighs and holds her head against his neck, that's a concussion, and they're still trapped, the Lighthouse is still under attack. They need to get out of here and find Daisy and save the world. 

Nothing difficult. Nothing they haven't done before. 

He has her. 

More importantly, she has him and she's not going to let him go.    
  



End file.
